‘Cause all I really want’s to be with you, and feel like I matter too…
October 4th, 2010 § 1 Comment
It’s a funny thing, communication. It’s the key to relationships, all relationships. I try to remind myself of that on a daily basis, because lately I’ve been getting the tiniest bit jealous.
hey jealousy - Gin Blossoms
Only being able to talk to my husband once in a while makes me extremely territorial of the time he gets to talk to people.
It’s silly, but when I hear he called and talked to this family member, or he Skyped with this family member I get a feeling of “how dare you?”. These people love him and worry about him and go even longer without talking to him than I do. These people have known and loved him longer than I have. I should be happy for them that they get a chance to hear his voice and see his face, I know how much better it is than emails. And I am happy for them, I truly am. It’s just hard to feel that way when it’s been days without an email, over a week since I’ve heard his voice, and well over a week since I’ve seen his face.
I partly think I’m so covetous of that time because I want to talk to him for not only me, but our son as well. It makes me sad when he watches the videos Daddy made for him and he’s trying to talk back. I want him to really be able to talk and see his Daddy. But there’s a reason one of the commandments is “Thou shall not covet…”, nothing good comes of it.
I’ll get a handle on this. I’ll learn to not feel so left out when he decides to let others know that he loves and misses them, because I know how much he loves and misses us. I know that all the phone time in the world isn’t gonna make this easier. So I choose to let this be the day that I’m a little sour other people got to talk to him and we didn’t, but today is the only day.
Each experience that you have in life will lead you to feel a certain way, and that’s ok. I had to learn this the hard way when I was feeling guilty for having a pity party for myself in high school when my house burned down. At the time I thought I was SUCH a brat for feeling bitter that I had to live in a hotel and be “inconvenienced by the fire,’ when clearly there were people in the world who would die to trade places with me.
It seems like you’re doing an amazing job of handling your hubby being gone, so I think it’s ok to allow yourself days to be real, raw and emotional, ya know? Sorry for babbling-just a standard procedure for a 23-week pregnant mama who can’t sleep and is catching up on all her fave blogs